What to do when you feel discriminated against at work without losing yourself

Women Talk — Women at Work Series
By Shelly Cammish
Powered by GreenWell Solutions

Most women have experienced it.

Very few feel safe saying it out loud.

What do you do when you feel discriminated against at work?

Not inconvenienced.
Not disagreed with.
Not simply challenged.

But overlooked.
Undermined.
Passed over.
Talked over.
Diminished.
Quietly boxed out.

And here’s the hardest part:

Sometimes you can’t prove it.

You just feel it.

This isn’t about being reactive.
This is about understanding your situation clearly — and responding strategically in your best interest.

Let’s break this down.

1. First — Don’t Gaslight Yourself

Women are conditioned to question our instincts.

We tell ourselves:

• “Maybe I’m being sensitive.”

• “Maybe I misunderstood.”

• “Maybe I just need to work harder.”

But discrimination today rarely looks like someone openly saying,
“I’m not promoting you because you’re a woman.”

Modern bias is subtle. It hides in tone, access, and opportunity.

Here’s what it can look like:

• Being held to a different standard. Are your peers evaluated the same way you are?

• Your ideas landing better when a man repeats them.

• Being labeled “aggressive” for behavior praised in male counterparts.

• Exclusion from informal networks. Dinners. Travel. Strategic side conversations.

• Being evaluated on tone instead of results.

That’s modern bias.

Sometimes it’s unconscious. Many good male leaders genuinely don’t realize they’re exhibiting bias. In my corporate work with executive teams, I’ve seen how unconscious patterns shape decisions without awareness. Often, if leaders knew better, they would do better.

Sometimes it’s cultural. “Male-dominated industry” can become code for outdated norms. Culture flows from the top. What is tolerated is modeled. What is modeled becomes promoted.

Sometimes it’s systemic. And that’s harder.

But here’s the key:

The “why” never excuses the “what.”

Discrimination is never acceptable — regardless of intent.

And impact matters.

2. Is It Discrimination — or Is It Politics?

Not every unfair experience is discrimination.

Sometimes it’s poor leadership.
Sometimes it’s office politics.
Sometimes it’s misalignment.

Before escalating anything, ask yourself:

1. Is this pattern happening only to me — or to others too?

2. Is this about gender — or about power dynamics?

3. If I were a man behaving the same way, would the response be different?

That third question is powerful.

If the answer is yes, bias may be at play.
If the answer is no, you may be looking at influence gaps or positioning issues.

Diagnosis determines strategy.

Emotional reactions without strategic clarity can damage your credibility. And credibility is currency.

We are not here to blow things up.
We are here to move wisely.

Legally speaking, discrimination involves unjust treatment based on protected characteristics like race, gender, age, religion, or disability. That includes harassment, retaliation, and exclusion.

Know the difference between discomfort and illegality.

3. Your Three Strategic Options

When you feel discriminated against, you have three core choices.

Option 1: Address It Directly — With Data, Not Emotion

This is not:

“You’re treating me unfairly.”

This is:

“I’ve noticed that in the last three projects, my recommendations were reassigned after approval. Can you help me understand the decision criteria being used?”

Notice the shift.

You:

• State patterns.

• Use specifics.

• Ask clarifying questions.

• Remove accusation.

This does two things:

1. Documents the pattern.

2. Signals awareness.

And sometimes? You may find the issue isn’t what you thought.

Your boss might respond:
“I didn’t think you wanted to lead.”
“I assumed you preferred supporting roles.”
“I thought your time was better used elsewhere.”

Be open to being wrong.

Professional clarity disrupts patterns — both intentional and unintentional.

Option 2: Build Power Before You Confront

Sometimes confrontation isn’t the first move.

Leverage is.

Ask yourself:

• Who advocates for me when I’m not in the room?

• Who controls visibility?

• Who influences promotions?

• Which departments impact my upward mobility?

Women often try to outperform bias.

But performance without sponsorship doesn’t always win.

Instead of working harder, work strategically:

• Increase your visibility intentionally.

• Share wins proactively.

• Ask for defined promotion criteria.

• Build cross-functional allies.

• Align accomplishments directly to company KPIs.

Work life is not purely merit-based. It is socially structured. Power influences outcomes.

It shouldn’t — but it does.

Option 3: Decide If It’s a Culture Problem

This is the hard truth.

If bias is cultural — not individual — you may not be able to fix it.

Leaving a discriminatory environment is not quitting.

It is choosing alignment.

Some organizations elevate specific profiles.
Some leadership teams are threatened by strong women.
Some environments slowly erode your confidence.

If you are constantly shrinking to survive…

That is data.

Stop explaining it away.
See it.
Believe it.
Make decisions accordingly.

No paycheck is worth chronic erosion of your identity.

4. Protect Your Career — and Your Nervous System

When women feel discriminated against, we internalize it.

We:

• Work harder.

• Over-explain.

• Over-deliver.

• Over-tolerate.

That last one is the most dangerous.

Here’s what to do instead:

Document Everything

Keep records. Maintain written clarity. Seek perspective from a coach or trusted confidant outside the company. When you’re emotionally close to the situation, clarity is harder.

Track Measurable Outcomes

Even if the department struggles, track your contribution. Separate your performance from organizational dysfunction.

Keep a Wins List

Document accomplishments — and tie them directly to company KPIs.

Clarify Scope in Writing

Scope creep disproportionately impacts high-performing women. Get “extra” responsibilities documented. Use them later in raise and promotion conversations.

Regulate Public Reactions

Do not lose composure publicly. Crying, yelling, or emotional outbursts will cost you credibility.

Composure is not silence.
Composure is strategy.

I would rather sound prepared and measured than reactive and unhinged.

Control the room by controlling yourself.

5. The Most Important Question

Ask yourself:

Is this environment growing me — or shrinking me?

Can this company give me what I need?

This isn’t about what you can do for them.
It’s about what they can do for you.

Discrimination doesn’t just cost opportunity.

It costs identity.

If you begin doubting your capability…
Editing your personality…
Apologizing for competence…

It’s time to reassess.

I walk into a room with presence. That’s part of who I am. I need to be in rooms that welcome that energy — not dampen it.

And so do you.

You deserve:

• To be evaluated on results.

• To be celebrated for your strengths.

• To build power without becoming someone else.