10 Ways to Get Out of Your Head and Back Into the Present

By Shelly Cammish

There is a particular kind of exhaustion that doesn't come from doing too much physically. It comes from thinking too much.

You know the feeling. You're having a conversation with someone while simultaneously thinking about the email you need to send. You're driving home replaying something that happened at work. You're making dinner while mentally organizing tomorrow. You finally get into bed, physically exhausted, and suddenly your brain decides it is the perfect time to review everything you forgot to do, everything you might need to do tomorrow, and every questionable decision you've made since 2007.

For many women, this level of mental activity has become so normal that we don't even recognize how much of our lives we spend somewhere other than where we actually are.

Like many of you, I am a high achiever. I have spent much of my life accomplishing things, solving problems, anticipating what needs to happen next and continuing to move forward. Those qualities have served me incredibly well throughout my life and career. But there is another side to being highly driven: there is almost always a to-do list running somewhere in my head.

Even when nothing is wrong, my mind can find something that needs to be planned, solved, improved, remembered or completed.

And I don't think I'm alone.

Women are trying to succeed professionally, manage households, raise children, maintain relationships, take care of our health, remember birthdays, schedule appointments, answer emails, respond to texts and somehow still find enough time and emotional energy to be a good friend, partner, mother, daughter, employee, leader or business owner.

We desperately try to do it all and be all things to all people, and then we wonder why we can't find any peace.

The modern world isn't exactly helping us.

We carry devices that allow virtually everyone we know to reach us instantly. Emails, DMs, text messages, Teams messages, Slack notifications, breaking-news alerts and social media platforms compete for our attention throughout the day. We can be sitting peacefully in our own homes and, within five minutes of scrolling, suddenly find ourselves thinking about someone else's career, body, marriage, vacation, political opinion, tragedy or success.

Our minds rarely get an opportunity to simply be where we are.

The solution isn't to eliminate thinking, ambition or responsibility. It's learning to recognize when our thinking is useful and when our minds have simply taken off without us.

Here are ten practices you can incorporate into your day to quiet some of the mental noise, interrupt rumination and bring yourself back into the present.

1. Learn to Separate a Thought From a Fact

The anxious mind is extraordinarily good at creating stories. Something happens, and within seconds our brains begin filling in all the information we don't actually have.

Your boss sends you a message saying, "Can we talk tomorrow?" and suddenly you're reviewing everything you've done for the past six months. Someone doesn't respond to your text and you begin wondering whether they're upset with you. You don't get invited to something and immediately start trying to determine why.

The original situation isn't necessarily what is creating the anxiety. Often, it's everything we've added to it.

We move incredibly quickly from what we know to what we assume.

This is why one of my favorite questions—and one you will hear me ask in many different situations—is:

What do you know to be true?

You know your boss asked to speak with you. You don't know why. You know someone hasn't responded to your message. You don't know what they're thinking. You know something didn't go according to plan. You don't yet know what it means.

Learning to distinguish facts from interpretations prevents you from emotionally experiencing a situation your mind created rather than one that has actually occurred.

2. Ask Yourself Whether the Problem Exists Right Now

Anxiety has an interesting relationship with time. It can take something that could happen in the future and make us emotionally experience it in the present.

I see women do this all the time. We aren't necessarily responding to reality; we're worrying about the version of the future we've constructed in our heads.

Will I get the promotion? Will my children be okay? Is this relationship going to work? What if I make the wrong decision? What if something changes at work?

Planning for the future is useful. Preparing for different possibilities is useful. But there is a point where preparation stops producing anything productive and becomes rumination.

When you notice yourself moving into that space, ask:

Is this problem happening right now? Is it even real yet?

If the answer is yes, determine what you can do about it. If the answer is no, recognize that your mind has moved into a hypothetical future.

You don't have to solve Tuesday's problems on Sunday night.

3. Stop Giving the World Access to Your Brain the Moment You Wake Up

What does the first hour of your morning look like?

If the alarm goes off and your first instinct is to reach for your phone, turn off the alarm—but resist opening your email.

Within minutes of waking, many of us have already checked emails and texts, read the news, looked at social media and started processing other people's needs. Before we've had an opportunity to establish our own emotional state for the day, we've invited the entire world into our heads.

Try protecting the first 30 to 60 minutes of your morning from outside information.

You don't need an elaborate morning routine. Have your coffee. Take a shower. Sit outside. Stretch. Walk. Write down the three things that actually matter that day.

I personally protect the first two hours of my day whenever possible. That time is dedicated to my physical and mental health because I've learned that preparing myself for the day matters. If I immediately begin reacting to everything coming at me, I've allowed other people to determine where my attention goes before I've decided for myself.

Your brain deserves an opportunity to wake up before you ask it to process the rest of the world.

4. Give Your Brain One Job at a Time

Women are frequently praised for being great multitaskers, but what we call multitasking is often rapid task switching. Your brain is repeatedly stopping one activity, shifting its attention and restarting somewhere else.

Think about how often we do this. We answer emails while participating in meetings. We listen to podcasts while walking. We scroll through our phones while watching television. We think about work while having dinner with our families.

Eventually, being mentally everywhere begins to feel normal.

Practice deliberately doing one ordinary thing at a time.

When you're walking, just walk occasionally. Leave the headphones behind and notice what's around you. This may be harder than it sounds because your mind will immediately begin looking for something to think about. Let thoughts come in and let them leave without feeling obligated to follow every one of them.

When you're eating, eat. Slow down enough to actually taste your food. When you're talking with someone, listen to what they're saying instead of simultaneously preparing your response or checking your phone.

Every time your mind wanders and you deliberately bring your attention back, you're practicing being present.

5. Get the To-Do List Out of Your Head

This one is particularly important for high achievers because our brains can become storage facilities for unfinished tasks.

Call the dentist. Finish the presentation. Order the birthday gift. Respond to the email. Schedule the appointment. Follow up with the client. Pick something up at the grocery store.

I practice something I call write and release.

If there's something I need to remember, I write it down and release it until I'm actually in a position to do something about it.

There is no benefit to reminding yourself 17 times that you need to call the dentist when the dentist's office isn't even open.

Create one reliable place where unfinished tasks live outside your head. It can be a notebook, an app or a running list on your phone. The method matters less than developing enough trust in your system that your brain no longer feels responsible for constantly reminding you.

Writing something down doesn't complete the task. It simply gives your mind permission to stop rehearsing it.

6. Learn the Difference Between Reflection and Rumination

Reflection and rumination can initially look very similar because both involve thinking about something that happened. The difference is whether that thinking is actually taking you somewhere.

Reflection helps us learn.

Maybe you had an uncomfortable conversation at work. Reflection asks: What happened? What was my role in it? What did I learn? Is there anything I would do differently next time?

Those questions can produce insight and potentially change future behavior.

Rumination doesn't move forward. It sounds more like: Why did she say that? Maybe I should have said this. I can't believe I didn't say that. I wonder what she thinks about me. Maybe everyone thinks that. Why do I always do this?

You're no longer learning anything. You're simply experiencing the same event repeatedly.

When you catch yourself replaying something, ask yourself:

Is there anything left for me to learn or do here?

If there is, identify it. If there isn't, continuing to revisit the situation is unlikely to produce a different answer.

Sometimes you have to consciously decide: I have already processed this. I'm not giving it any more of today.

7. Use Your Body to Bring Your Brain Back

When we're overwhelmed mentally, our instinct is often to solve the problem with more thinking.

Sometimes what we actually need is the opposite.

Grounding practices redirect your attention away from the internal narrative happening in your mind and toward what's physically happening around you.

Put your feet firmly on the floor and notice the pressure underneath them. Pay attention to your breathing. Notice the temperature of the air. Look around and identify what you can see and hear. Take a walk and intentionally pay attention to your surroundings rather than using the entire walk to mentally solve problems.

Physical movement can be particularly helpful because it gives restless energy somewhere to go while reconnecting you with your environment.

Sometimes getting out of your head begins by getting back into your body.

8. Create Periods When Nobody Can Reach You

We've normalized constant accessibility, and I don't think we fully appreciate what that has done to our sense of peace.

There was a time when leaving work meant people at work couldn't easily reach you. Going for a walk meant you were simply unavailable for 30 minutes. Waiting for an appointment meant sitting in a chair and waiting.

Now almost every empty moment is filled.

We've developed an expectation that because someone can reach us, we should respond.

Try creating small periods during your day when you're intentionally unavailable. Put your phone in another room while you eat dinner. Turn off notifications you don't need. Take a walk without your phone. Stop answering every message the moment it arrives simply because you've seen it.

Accessibility is not the same thing as responsibility.

Not everything deserves immediate access to you, and not everyone needs an immediate response.

9. Practice Tolerating Quiet

For someone with a busy or anxious mind, quiet can initially feel surprisingly uncomfortable. That's one reason we constantly fill it.

We turn on the television. We listen to podcasts. We scroll. We check email. We play music. We consume information from the moment we wake up until the moment we fall asleep.

Then we wonder why our minds feel noisy.

Try spending ten minutes every day without consuming anything.

Sit outside with your coffee. Take a shower without your phone nearby. Drive somewhere without turning anything on. Walk around the block without listening to something.

At first, you may notice thoughts rushing in. That's okay. The goal isn't to eliminate thought. The practice is noticing those thoughts without feeling compelled to entertain, solve or follow every one of them.

Quiet is something many of us have to relearn.

10. Close the Day Instead of Carrying It Into Bed

Bedtime is often when everything we've successfully distracted ourselves from throughout the day suddenly arrives for a meeting.

Your body is ready to sleep, but your mind wants to discuss tomorrow.

This is where a simple end-of-day ritual can be incredibly useful. Before going to bed, spend five minutes writing down anything that still feels mentally unfinished. Write tomorrow's priorities down. Capture whatever you're afraid you'll forget. If something is bothering you but can't be addressed tonight, acknowledge it and decide when you can deal with it.

Then deliberately recognize what was completed.

We spend so much time focusing on what remains undone that we rarely acknowledge everything we actually accomplished.

There will almost always be something else you could do. The goal isn't to reach the mythical point where absolutely everything in your life is finished.

The goal is learning to decide when you're finished for today.

Peace Isn't Something You Find After Everything Is Done

I think one of the reasons so many women struggle to find peace is that we've convinced ourselves peace will arrive after everything is handled.

After the project is finished. After the children are settled. After we make the decision. After we get through the difficult conversation. After the house is organized. After work slows down. After everyone around us is okay.

But there will always be something else.

Peace isn't the reward waiting for you at the bottom of your to-do list.

Peace is a choice, and sometimes it has to be deliberate.

I don't want to stop being a high achiever. I don't want to lose the part of myself that plans, accomplishes things and looks ahead. Those qualities have created tremendous opportunities in my life.

What I've had to learn is that I don't need to live in that mental state every minute of every day.

There is a difference between using your mind and being controlled by it.

That is ultimately what these ten practices are about. You are learning to recognize when your thinking is useful and when your mind has simply taken off without you.

Don't try to implement all ten tomorrow. Choose two or three. Protect the beginning of your morning. Turn off unnecessary notifications. Practice write and release. Take a walk without your phone. When your brain begins constructing a worst-case scenario, stop and ask yourself, What do I actually know to be true? When you find yourself replaying yesterday, ask whether there is anything left to learn from it.

We spend an enormous amount of our lives mentally trying to get somewhere else—into the future to make sure everything will be okay or back into the past to figure out what we could have done differently.

Meanwhile, our actual life is happening right in front of us.

Sometimes one of the healthiest things we can learn to do is stop trying to mentally be everywhere else and simply allow ourselves to be where we already are.